G+ LoME Archive
Jan 16, 2018 (14:04)
It's preposterous that I should try this, but I am in that mood today. I hope my neologisms are transparent enough.
Ta ainas, i milya paime sís:
Peu, karanye randu, férime,
Pase ta raqua appa ló miquelis.
Mána rando, úkáral málya íta
Ya mailengea astar tana síve:
An aimor samir már i randor appar
Ar palta paltanna ná randoron mique.
Lá samir aimor péti, ar i randor, yú?
Ná, rando, péti i mauya ten arkanden yuhta.
Ai, tá, airenya, na karir
yall'aimor, i peu,
Á lave ten karitas, hya astar úestelda ola.
Lá kuivar aini, nan lavir ya hyamindor mérar.
Ta, lan i hyámeo karda kamin, vá
San, pempello, ló lyenye, úkarenyar autar.
Pempenyar i úkare sí samir sinen.
Úkare lyello? A, lisse úsahtie!
Á nananta úkarenya.
ROMEO [To JULIET] If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
JULIET Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
ROMEO Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
JULIET Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. 100
ROMEO O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
JULIET Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.
ROMEO Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.
JULIET Then have my lips the sin that they have took.
ROMEO Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.
JULIET You kiss by the book.
Jan 23, 2018 (00:02)
An excellent mood, I hope you'll be in it often :-)
The commendably few neologisms provide no problems, but some of the forms are a bit opaque to me:
a variant of
(PE 22: 139 note 45)?
is the plural of
'useless'; but if so, why the plural?
I don't understand
('like a female angelic spirit'???)
There seems to be no verb *
attested, but if it exists, isn't the meaning '(a)waken' more probable than 'move'?
I think it's unlikely that the noun
could have survived in late-source Quenya, where
is an adjective ('glorious, brilliant'). Why not rather
Jan 23, 2018 (09:29)
thank you for taking the time to read through my translation and catching my mistakes! :) I really appreciate it.
Is *aike a variant of aique/aiqui (PE 22: 139 note 45)?
Yes, it's my variant for
; since I tend to use
for "if", I try to be consistent.
I suppose alware is the plural of alwara 'useless'; but if so, why the plural?
Because I meant to put
before it; I need
for the rhyme.
Is karanye short for karanyaine 'reddened'?
Yes, I assumed a shortened adjectival form
I don't understand yall'aini ('like a female angelic spirit'???)
Meant to write
There seems to be no verb *kuiva- attested, but if it exists, isn't the meaning '(a)waken' more probable than 'move'?
and the intended meaning was "stir".
I think it's unlikely that the noun alkarin could have survived in late-source Quenya, where alcarin is an adjective ('glorious, brilliant'). Why not rather yána or ainas for 'shrine'?
I don't know why I chose that word, I probably just liked its shape;
can work, too.
Thank you again!