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Jonathan Thames, Tamas Ferencz, Poetry, translations

Jonathan Thames Jul 03, 2017 (09:22)

Hello,
Am very new to Sindarin, but using the many resources provided I have attempted a translation of Galadriel's ring speech to Frodo when she rejects his offer of the one ring. Surprised this wasn't anywhere, although I did find a Quenya translation that maybe should have informed my own more than it did.
Not sure about my mutations, verb forms, etc, but I tried - using the latest pronoun list I could find and basing most of my grammar on Fiona's Pedin Edhellen. http://Elfdict.com was my go-to dictionary.

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English:

And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, >but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the >Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!
I pass the test. I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel.

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Sindarin:

A si na vedui tôl. I gor annin annathol rain! Sennui Chîr Dhûr peniathol Rîr. A ni ú-dhûr* , ach bain a goeol sui i aur ah i dhû! Gwân sui i aear ah i ‘alad* ah i loss erin* orod! Daer be* i alagos ah i menelnor* ! Athaug* am in thennais en gae* . Pân nin melithar* ah estel ú-epholathar* !
Athradannen i úthaes* . Firithon* a padathon na Dhûn, a darthathon Galadriel* .

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*Notes:

1 Think this could be the verb atha- as a negative intention = ni ú-athathon dûr...
2 Galad = light/sunlight ?
3 or 'po i' ?
4 Equivalent to ‘sui’ = like; as ?
5 Menel + nor (from naur) sky-fire = lightning ?
6 An+taug = firmer / stronger (nasal mutation)
7 Cae = earth ? 8 Mel = to love, with i-root and tha future tense
9 Not-they-will-remember from epholar/ebholar - could not find 'forget' or 'lose' ?
10 = temptation ?
11 Fir- = to fade ?
12 Not sure if proper names in this context would be subject to lenition.

Tamas Ferencz Jul 03, 2017 (09:32)

I think you need a subject in the first sentence. I am also unsure about using sennui for "instead" in this sense, but I can be persuaded:)

Jonathan Thames Jul 03, 2017 (09:39)

+Tamas Ferencz a subject like 'temptation', 'test' or 'moment' seem like they would fit well. Unsure what 'test' or 'trial' is in this context.

And 'sennui' was definitely a shot in the dark. Other suggestions?

Tamas Ferencz Jul 03, 2017 (09:51)

Oh I was thinking simply of a pronoun as a subject, as in English "*it* comes.
I'll rack my brain about sennui. Of course you could go for a literal "in place of", but it may yet turn out sennui is the more elegant solution.
Mind you, my Sindarin is rather rusty, having mostly studied Q for the past few years, but I am sure folks will turn up here later with good suggestions.